Please believe me; traveling can change your entire life!
If you have never travelled beyond your home area you must start thinking
seriously how you are going to, because there is a whole world out there that
does not necessarily share your belief system. Since my first travels to the
United States of America some years ago my life has not been the same (at least
my perception of it).
I returned to Jamaica with mixed
emotions like I was depressed with joy, a calm subtle pain in my heart lingered
that I could not understand yet. It was like a slap on my emotions, a deep cry
for help with no voice, because for the first time I was slowly beginning to
see the reality of things, the insignificance of my life, my worldview, and I
was only 16 years old- still a child.
But it took some years after before
I was able to connect the dots of my life to see a bigger picture. What I knew
I could not explain, I could not explain what I knew, but it was always there
like a thorn in my flesh that would not leave me alone. Therefore I kept it to
myself, I endured the pain and played the fool in denial. Come to think of it,
it was always there, for as long as I could remember it was always there.
Do you
have understanding?
Though I did not realize at the
time, it was precisely at that moment that I began a deep conscious internal
investigation into the life I was living and the meaning behind all the things
that I’ve ever done. I began asking questions, many! It is like I was sleeping
but slowly waking up, half- conscious, before lapsing back into a dream. It is
like I was drowning in an ocean desperately crying for help and nobody could
hear me! I realized slowly that I was going nowhere fast. The joke was over. At
that point in time I never felt so alone, so trapped and so afraid.
Nobody knew this was happening to
me because it was not an external struggle, it was internal. While the world
was happy I was sad. While everything was bliss I was in misery. Some people
deal with their problems internally through reflection- I do. No doubt I
thought that maybe the problem was me and my mind was playing some silly
tricks. The reality of the situation would come and go, however I preferred to
forget the ordeal. And though I tried to convince myself that everything
was normal on the surface, I couldn’t help but see that things were not. From
time to time, deep within myself I knew there was impending danger everywhere.
I felt it everywhere I went. Something was wrong!
But who could I tell? The
world was in trouble and so was I. Staring at the world all I saw was the
uselessness of everything and the dead nature of the living. And secretly in a
solitary place to me, late one afternoon, my eyes were opened freely as I was
able to see everything clearly. At last I could not resist anymore- I let it
all out with passion. My face became like a stream flowing downhill, like an
arrow to the heart, it was like the end of the world to me. Little did I know
it was only the beginning of a new experience, a new joy. I was being reborn. I
was freed. I was being strengthened to stand amidst the chaos and confusion of
the world. Everything would be alright.
Martin Semugeshi, M
Draft 1
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